Chapter 20: Inner Circle of the Reserved

Hello, Done.

261 days into my journey—9 months of unbecoming who I wasn’t. This handstand on the beach, April 2, 2020, wasn’t about balance. It was about reclamation. About choosing life, fully, fiercely, and on my own terms.

My journey with the 12-Step community has illuminated the profound impact of human connection on personal transformation. Healing and growth are not solitary endeavors—they flourish through the support and empathy of fellow beings. The bonds I've forged within AA, especially with my sponsor Marilyn and my partner James, have taught me the deep significance of those connections.

Regrettably, our society tends to favor extroversion, often at the expense of introversion. This bias fosters a social landscape where interactions can feel superficial or transactional. It reflects a broader cultural misunderstanding of the depth and value that introverted qualities bring to our collective human experience.

Throughout my life, I grappled with the challenge of overcoming my innate shyness. In pursuit of acceptance and validation, I poured effort into fitting in and being popular. But the perpetual burden of hiding my authentic self—of performing and pleasing—took a heavy toll. I carried the weight of self-abandonment, often numbing that ache with alcohol just to keep up with my responsibilities.