Chapter 19: 12 Steps of Self-Discovery

Hello, Done.

"Photographed November 24, 2019—midway through my journey with AA. A quiet moment that said more to me than any slogan ever could."

After three years of sobriety with the support of Alcoholics Anonymous, I reached a quiet but undeniable realization: the program no longer fit me. It’s not easy to articulate my reservations about AA—especially because I remain deeply grateful for the structure and sense of community it offered when I needed it most. As an autistic person, the clear steps, repetitive rituals, and structured meetings were exactly what I needed to reestablish trust—both in others and in myself. It gave me something solid to hold onto during a time when everything else felt unstable.

It’s also where I met James. And for that alone, I’ll always carry a thread of gratitude. But gratitude isn’t allegiance. Over time, I began to notice the cracks in the foundation—rigid adherence to 1930s rhetoric, a stubborn resistance to change, and an undercurrent shaped by the worldview of white, middle-class men. For someone like me—someone who questions everything, resists hierarchy, and finds comfort in nuance—those cracks became chasms.